Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Knock, knock

Who's there? Oh, hey, it's me, Janeen! Remember me? The fat girl on a mission to be healthy and make you laugh all at the same time? Yes, this is me. I'm still fat. I am almost ashamed to admit that I'm back to my original weight from when I started this blog however many months ago. I really makes me sad that I "stopped" doing what was working so well for me. Why did I do this? I could give you every excuse in the book: "I was sick." "Phil's work schedule changed so I can't make it to the gym." "It's too hot." "It's raining." "My kids are sick." But in all honesty, my only excuse is me. For whatever reason, I quit. I quit going to the gym (mind you, I'm still paying the fees). I quit eating healthy (sometimes). I quit going for walks. I quit! I QUIT!

I'm sitting here sweating. Not because I just got done working out, but because I'm really nervous to type these words out. I feel like I'm letting all my friends and family down. I KNOW I've let myself down. But, the only thing I can really do about it is get off my fat ass and get moving. Once Phil gets home, I'm walking down to do my cleaning of the bookstore. Tomorrow morning, I'm getting up at 6 am to go for a walk before Phil goes to work. I can have any excuse I want to NOT do something...but what is my excuse for making the excuse? I'll spell it out for you: L-A-Z-Y and probably some fear that is deep seeded in me. Maybe I need some counseling sessions. Anyone know of a good therapist? I'm not joking...if you know someone in our area, let me know (send me an email to .

I need to know why I don't hold myself accountable. Why do I get all excited about something for 2 weeks and then stop. I do this all the time! I don't WANT to be fat, yet I'll eat a whole bag of chips. I know what I need to do to be healthy, but I don't use that knowledge to the best of my ability. I am funny, smart, outgoing, friendly, loving and beautiful, but why do I continue to treat my body this way? One of these days, I'm going to get brave enough to post some horrible pictures of myself. Maybe, just maybe that'll be the day that I really, truly will make the changes so that I will NEVER look like that again. Would you still love me if you saw what was hiding under my clothes? No, not my private areas, but my stomach? My gut? My saggy thighs? My jiggly arms? My back fat rolls? I sure hope so. But what can you do to help me? Nothing. There is nothing that YOU can do to help ME. Only I can do this. The only thing I need from YOU is unconditional support of ME.

I'm done for now...but I'll be back tomorrow. I will write everyday this week to tell you how I'm doing. Will you hold me accountable?